Thursday, June 30, 2005

The Best Damn Analysis In The Blogosphere

For the best take on the two Supreme Court Ten Commandments rulings, consult Planet Moron:


Further, the justices ruled that indoor displays would come under greater scrutiny than those kept outdoors. This is known as the “Irish houseguest” rule. Sure, you can let him sleep on the lawn but once you allow him inside you’ll never get rid of him.

Semper Fi, Deaniacs

Monday, June 27, 2005

Get Me Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, And All Those "Democracy Activisits" STAT

This just in from Nickie Goomba.

The Interior Ministry's Election Headquarters said on Saturday of the 27,959,253 ballots cast, 17,248,782 (61.95 percent) voted for Ahmadinejad.
Veteran rival, Akbar Hashemi Rafsanjani, managed to win 10,046,701 votes while some 663,770 votes were deemed invalid.


Over six-hundred thousand votes disqualified? Get me the ICLU(Islamic Civil Liberties Union)! Count. Every. Vote.

We need to get people in the streets, "No justice, no suicide bombers. Luh-luh-luh-luh-luh-luh-luh-luh-luh."

My bad, those were probably just those whacky Dhimmis trying to vote.

Remember, this is the government's "official" results. Most outside observers agree the official number of votes cast hovers around the mid-to-high "8" range.

Yours truly mentioned on Slate!

Wow...yours truly had his blog mentioned over a month ago on Slate, and I didn't even know it! I guess because...well, because it was Slate!

I'm quite honored that they felt the need to give my humble little blog an honorable mention during their "Today's Blogs" section by Rachael Larimore.

Oh, yeah...here it is! link

This could be it! THE big time for me!

(Silence........)

OK, maybe not...I guess I need to get back to work! :)

Friday, June 24, 2005

I Roll With Computer-Guydom.

Yes, I've not been posting here for a bit. My bad. Oddly enough, there is a really good reason for this. I've just gotten done decompressing from taking my first Solaris Certification Exam.

I passed.

So there were several days of intense cramming (after all, I've only done this for ten years), followed by the whole test day and then a few days of decompressing. That means I finally ran out of Harp.

In any event, I needed sixty-six percent to pass, and busted out an eighty-four. Yay me.

As the receptionist told me later, she had never seen someone arrive at the testing center to loudly proclaim:





Woad
I'm here for the Solaris Exam

"Big Poppy Pump-Pump is here, and he's going to carry every last one of you exam taking computer dudes to the Promised Land. So just climb on my back, and get ready for the ride, brutha! You gotta be in it to win it."


"Wooo!"

(Why yes, I did grow up with Pro Wrestling, how did you know? And no, I have no idea what 'Big Poppy Pump-Pump' means. It seemed like the thing to say at the time.)



Nor has anyone before responded to, "Are you ready to begin?" with "Let's do this!" Just thank my wife that I didn't show up with the woad on. She talked me out of it.

There were all sorts of funk I could have brought. I played it pretty straight that day.

So now I have to get ready for Exam II, but not today. Not today. I think I'll go with a Maximus thing. You know, I'll break off all fifty-seven questions in like twenty-two minutes. Then I'll toss my mouse at the moderator and exclaim, "Are you not entertained? Are. You. Not. Entertained?" Then I'll spit and walk out while the guys who are there for the MCSE start chanting, "Tommissar! Tommissar! Tommissar!"


Yeah.

The Cambodian Midgets Needed This Guy!

Hat tip to Steve Skojec for this one.

Kenyan, 73, kills leopard with bare hands



Here's the quote of the day from this one:

The leopard sank its teeth into the farmer’s wrist and mauled him with its claws. “A voice, which must have come from God, whispered to me to drop the panga (machete) and thrust my hand in its wide-open mouth. I obeyed,” M’Mburugu said.


So he ripped out the leopard's tongue. With his bare hands.

I believe it. How many of us whine, "God didn't answer my prayers! I really wanted that job!" or something. Well you see, that's why. Some days God is busy helping old men kill man-eating cats.

So just settle down and get in line with your petty BS. You're not getting jumped by leopards while trying to farm a few potatoes and beans.

Monday, June 20, 2005

From the Desk of Senator Dick

Hat tip to Iowa Hawk for this scoop on the king of metaphors: Durbin the Turban:
Mr. Hector Gutierrez
Gutierrez Bros. Landscaping
Arlington, VA

Dear Mr. Gutierrez:

Nothing could have prepared me for the shock that awaited as I exited the front door of my home early Wednesday morning, where I discovered that your lawn crew had cut a swath of environmental destruction across my yard so horrifying that it only can be compared to the Rape of Nanking. I can scarcely bring myself to describe the killing fields that are my North azalea beds and the brutal degradation and torture suffered by the bluegrass around the locust tree by the rear patio. I am writing to inform you that I have contacted the US Department of Interior to conduct a full independent investigation into Gutierrez Brothers' actions in this matter. Please be advised that you may be subpoenaed for records pertaining to mower height, pruning shear maintenance, and leaf blower emissions. I would also advise your crewmen to heed the lessons of the Judgement At Nurenburg: although they may be spared the justice due their superiors, "I was only following orders" is not an excuse.

Sincerely,

Senator Richard J. Durbin
Washington, DC
And what atrocity did United Airlines commit? Well...
Customer Relations Department
United Airlines
Elk Grove Village, IL

Dear Sir or Madam:

In the dark annals of human evil, history has recorded the Holocaust, the Rwandan genocides, and Stalin's mass starvation program. And now, United Airlines flight 671 from Reagan International to Chicago O'Hare on June 3rd, 2005. I know, because I am a survivor of that dark exemplar of man's cruelty to man.

Perhaps I should have known what I was in for when your brusque gate agent refused to issue an upgrade to me for the flight (despite being a Premier/1K member for over 10 years), or when your flight crew Gestapo confiscated my carry on Roll Tote (even though I had nearly fit it into the overhead bin). But the true measure of the horror did not dawn on me until me and my fellow passengers were left taxiing on the O'Hare tarmack for over twenty minutes in the Auschwitzian Airbus A320 cattlecar, in temperatures approaching 85 degrees, not knowing our fates or whether we would make it to our fundraising dinners.

Santayana once said, "those who forget history are doomed to repeat it." And I say to you and your fellow United criminals: "never again," unless you credit my account at least 2 flight segments for this travesty.

Sincerely,

Senator Richard J. Durbin
Washington, DC

cc: Human Rights Watch
cc: Amnesty International
Good thing he cc'ed Amnesty on this, since they're the experts on gulags.

Friday, June 17, 2005

I need a big plate!

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Reuters wants to leave Bush's "Hitler salute" impression

The picture below may change during the day, so it may look nothing like it does right now when you read this. if Reuters changes it, I will try to find a link to a saved copy of the picture (I can't save it and upload it to my server right now). But as of right now, Reuters is running this picture of Bush with a wave to the crowd...a wave that resembles Hitler's "Zieg Heil!" salute. Nope...no media bias.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

I could use a little breakfast myself

A special thanks to Doug Tennapel for this one. Go read his blog.


Monday, June 13, 2005

Two-fer

Friday, June 10, 2005

The Loyal Order Of Nelson (LOON)

On this day, I do hereby inaugurate the Loyal Order Of Nelson. What is the Order, you may ask? Simply put, the Loyal Order Of Nelson is an organization of like minded individuals who share a common goal of mindlessly mocking leftist moonbats.

Membership requires the following:

Upon spotting a car with a moonbatty bumper sticker (a standard Kerry/Edwards sticker does not count. Defoliate the Bushes does.), one must point at said vehicle and do his best impersonation of Nelson from the Simpsons.

HA HA!

IF spotted by the owner, the only answer that can be given is "You lost. HA HA." If, however, the bumpersticker infers the President is stupid (Some village in Texas is missing an idiot) the proper response becomes, "You lost to the idiot. HA HA".

Maybe Mad Dog Vinnie can create a proper image for members to place on their blogs.

Kooks that run Democrats believe what Dean says

Yes, the kooks that now run the Democratic Party believe all of the things that Dean says about Republicans (and even Libertarians): white, Christian, never worked a day in their lives, etc.

Powerline, one of the blogs responsible for ending Dan Rather's career at CBS (aka "See? B.S.!"), had this line about Dean's replacement (and trust me...Dean will be replaced due to anemic fundraising):

The more he [Dean] is seen, the more likely he will be replaced by someone who believes what Dean and the mainstream of his party believes, but does a better job concealing it.
In other words, the new DNC chief will believe the same thing that Dean and the other leftist nuts believe about normal America, but he/she will be more clever in keeping that loathing, contempt, and condescension to himself/herself.

Yeeeeeeawww!

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Why bring race into it?

An actual video clip (not edited with Photoshop, not a hoax, etc.) from MSNBC:


If they had Donna Brazille reporting, would the caption have read "The Black Ho"?

Monday, June 06, 2005

Am I right, or am I right?

As I'm sure most of you are aware, barbecue season is now upon us. This leads to the eternal argument at our household. "Why did you buy the bad corn?"

My wife insists on getting yellow corn with the huge kernels. All civilized people realize that white corn with small kernels is the only variety fit for human consumption. That other stuff is for the hog farmer.

Confronted with such elementary facts, she still persists, "I think this type tastes better." Is this some sort of Michigan thing that people who are fortunate enough to grow up with New Jersey corn just can't fathom?

Friday, June 03, 2005

French Fighter Jets Forced To Land In N.J.

Hat tip to my bud ManicNole who passed this on. The article is entitled "French Fighter Jets Forced To Land In N.J.". Full story here.

I hear they surrendered to an Atlantic City hot dog cart vendor named Louie, but this is still unconfirmed.

Don't worry...they'll die one day!

Democratic Assemblyman Mark Leno of San Francisco, who is openly gay (and, to the best of my knowledge, not related to Jay), sponsored a bill in the California Assembly to allow gay marriage in CA. It went down (no pun intended) to defeat.

"This issue does not go away. Gay and lesbian couples are not going to disappear as of tonight," a bitter Leno said after the vote. "But they will have been told by the state of California one more time they're not worthy."

"We have to be patient," he continued. "Every poll shows that those over 65 oppose this idea ...but those under 35 support it more than those over 65 oppose it. So when the demographic shift occurs, the debate ends." Emphasis mine.

"When the demographic shift occurs"? In other words, when the old farts die?

This "just wait for them to die, then everything will be hunky-dory" approach is considered so ingenious that the DNC is thinking about adopting it for every political campaign for the next 40 - 50 years or so. I'm told that Howard Dean screamed in delight upon hearing the brilliance of the new strategy.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

RU-486? You sunk my abortion-ship!

You do /not/ mess with the Portugese.

It's an old story, but a good one. (Hat tip to e-skojec.com)

It's the classic tale: Leftists buy boat, sail around defying countries whose laws they oppose. In this case, a group called Women on Waves sails to countries with restrictive abortion laws, piles women inside, then sails to international waters where they do their deed. They've done it previously in Ireland and Poland.

Then, they tried it in Portugal.

According to WoW, "after receiving no response from the harbor authorities to repeated requests for permission to enter," the Dutch abortion boat headed for the Portuguese coast.

"Within minutes" Portuguese naval vessels arrived on scene. They told the boat's captain to stop sailing toward Portugal.

A spokesperson for the Portuguese Defense Ministry told the French Press Agency that two Portuguese naval vessels will continue to monitor the abortion ship to ensure that the Dutch boat complies with the law.

Secretary of State for Sea Affairs, Nuno Fernandes Thomaz told daily newspaper Diraio de Noticias Sunday "if the ship decides to disrespect the orders of the Portuguese government it will have to get round a navy vessel."


Translation: If you dare enter our territorial waters, we will totally SINK you.

Stella Maris, ora pro nobis.

Deep Six

Note the "media" arm pulling the switch.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Chirac...white flag...

Are comments even necessary? OK, yes they are. I'll start:

"Mes amis! I'm just practicing for the inevitable need in the future!"

or

"This is going to be the new French flag. Cool, n'est-ce pas?"

or

"Gentlemen, start your engines. What? The flag is supposed to be WHAT?"



Hat tip to Nickie Goomba.

Perfect Strangers?

What the hell is Balki doing on Hannity and Colmes?

That River in Egypt

Sad and disturbing article up at the LA Times (hat tip to Amy Wellborn).

Some refuse to look. But many hug their dead children. "It was very important to us to be able to hold her, to give her that kind of respect," said Paige, who aborted her daughter at the end of the second trimester. "This was not just a fetus to me. She was my child."

After Susan Crocker's second-trimester abortion in August, she and her fiance spent three hours cradling their daughter, Isabella, who had Down syndrome. They stroked her scrunched red face and kissed her rounded cheeks. They took pictures of her tiny, almost translucent hands, folded across a green-and-pink striped blanket.

Crocker, a 34-year-old customer service manager, keeps Isabella's ashes in a marble urn decorated with dolphins; she kisses it before she goes to bed each night. Her sons follow her lead. On Halloween, they each gave a Tootsie Roll to Isabella. Jordan, 5, shares his toys with her, propping a little plastic skateboard against the urn.

When a doctor once referred to Crocker as a mother of two, Jamie, the 9-year-old, interrupted indignantly: "No, she has three kids."

"Her daughter's in her heart," said Jordan.

Despite her family's support, Crocker, who lives in Texas, has struggled with doubt and depression. "I did the unthinkable," she said. "I ended my baby's life. Sometimes I think, oh God, what if I was wrong?"


What if I was wrong?

This is some of the saddest stuff I've ever read. The big moment of truth from the Times? Look at the URL, the story sits on the server under /health/kids It's not /health/women or something.